https://atisbos.net/2026-07-22T00:00:00-07:002026-07-22T00:00:00-07:002026-07-22T00:00:00-07:00Oliviatag:atisbos.net,2026-07-22:/new-beginnings.html

<p>Positions.</p>

<h2>Where to even begin</h2> <p>Every time I've put myself in a writing space like this I find myself struggling to come up with things to say. I know I have words I want to write, yet I find myself unable to put them down when the chance arrives.</p> <p>It's funny, I've spent so long with angst and regret for not making the time to write, but when I sit down and ask myself in earnest what it is I want to say, I panic.</p> <p>The stakes are low: "Few people will see this." I tell myself. I can delete it at any point or take it down if it's too much. I lull myself, reassuring my anxieties and then the clever thoughts come in: <em>if it's not going to be read by anyone and you can delete it anytime, why bother? My words don't need to be read and the world would not miss them.</em></p> <p>I worm my way out of expectation.</p> <p>I'm sorry reader if I come across as vague. It truly is a difficult thing for me.</p> <p>I have a bad habit of self-censuring. Everyone who knows me knows I struggle to share what's on my mind. I was raised in an environment where it wasn't safe to say what was on my mind, so it's really hard to do that as an adult. It's something I'm working on.</p> <h2>Who am I?</h2> <p>My name is Olivia [They/Them]. I picked this name up on a hot summer evening over a decade ago. It seems like a long time now. It was the first time I ever spoke my name, the first time I ever advocated for myself. I learned later the name comes from the play 'Twelfth Night'. It's a really good play, you should check out the 2012 Globe Theatre rendition of it if you want a laugh.</p> <p>There's not much else I'd like to say about myself right now.</p> <h2>What this website is about.</h2> <p>So what is the aim of this blog? Why pay ~$13 a year and use my leisure hours toiling away on words? I honestly wondered that myself when I purchased the domain name and pulled up the Pelican docs. I could have just made a Blogger account, posted intermittently, and vanished. I could have also made a social media account, vague-posted, and dipped.</p> <p>The answer is a multitude of things.</p> <p>The simple one is: well... I wanted to try something new, I wanted to write in a space that felt mine. Considering how hollow and empty the internet feels these days, I thought making a space like this was worthwhile.</p> <p>Random thought: <em>You won't find authentic human made cringe like this elsewhere! You're lucky to have people like me</em> (I jest.)</p> <p>Another reason is that I think this will keep me accountable about writing. Not like a gym pass, more in the sense that I know I will have a space to write. Writing on some online platform, the delete button is always there and the urge to goof off is a lot easier.</p> <p>But I think the big reason for starting this blog website is that I want to <code>write freely</code>. As I said before, I self-censure: I have ideas I belittle and struggle to express. I made this blog to try to get through this barrier.</p> <p>I've tried doing this before to little avail. I'm not going to push myself or criticize my writing. I am going to put words on paper and call it a day.</p> <h2>What can I or you expect</h2> <p>I haven't a clue. I'm told I'm like a cat in the sense that no one really knows what I'm thinking; I'm inclined to agree: I really don't know what goes on in my head either!</p> <p>My guess is that I will write a few more posts and if it truly pans out the way I hope, I will continue to write.</p> <p>I do have topics I'd like to think through and this space can be where I draw on it. Don't expect expertly-formed thoughts though. I haven't written in a long time and I've never written like this. I'm still working past an academic burnout phase, I'm trying to foster self-care, I'm going to therapy.</p> <p>Things I think I want to write about off the top of my head in no particular order: science fiction literature, anime/manga, western philosophy, tech stuff, writing, poetry, prose, short-stories, English literature in general, gender, artificial intelligence, plants, electric vehicles, video games, vegetarianism, and whatever else I can think of.</p> <p>See ya' in the next post!</p>