Atisbos

Kind of a short post. I'm pretty tired today from running errands all morning. I have been going through more poems. I didn't realize how many things I had written and how sad I was feeling. Like I knew, but man... that's a lot of words, and they're all over the place.

I've felt at peace deleting some of them. I told myself I wasn't going to delete them, that I would move them to a file where I reflected on each one of them, but as I was doing that, I found myself writing the same thing about each of them. And I realized too that very few of those poems had things I wanted to say anymore.

Some reflection on that is that the poems have little focus on the thing they're trying to capture. Another take is that the the voice that wrote them reminds me more of the time than the thing it wants to say. Kind of like how a song might have meant something for you for a time, but now only reminds you of the time period in which you listened to it rather than the feeling it evoked.

Sorry, that might not make sense.

To be precise. I like writing pensive moods on the material landscape that surrounds us. A moment of zen or acknowledgement where temporality, space, and liminality linger for a while without direction. It's a style I adopted from Japanese media a while back and I wanted to explore it in poetry. But I think this type of thought, can be easy to mess up, because it can easily surface thoughts the writer might be feeling that they otherwise might not have noticed. And like yeah, it's easy to say that about most writing, but for this style it's a lot more apparent because a little shift in words brings landslides of thoughts.

I've found it hard to write in a way that doesn't land between banality and anguish.

Oh a note here to add. I realized a good way of getting myself to write things is to ignore all forms of grammar and just type the words. I noticed this a while back with a poem I revised and I was struggling to imagine a rewrite. I wasn't happy with the original, and I knew I could write it better. I ended up removing all the periods, commas, and quotations. I only used capitalizations. It was kind of wicked how it came out. Really liked it.

Not sorry I haven't posted in a while, I knew going into this I wouldn't be able to maintain any sort of schedule, so I'm avoiding making any value judgements here. I'll catch you around sometime.

If this happens to be my last post of the year, uhh... Happy Holidays and Happy New Years!